Blond joke of the day:
Q - Why are there no brunette jokes?
A - Because blondes would have to think them up.
Since my last post on moving to California, I've thought (Yes, this blond does think.) about something that is the same both in Canada and the U.S. People love gossip! It doesn't matter whether it's about your high-school gym teacher, the guy down the road, or someone famous. I guess it's human nature, so don't you even try to deny.
I'll admit it, I have been known to read Perezhilton.com and TMZ.com on a fairly regular basis. In fact, today I got bored surfing the net and had a peek. Here's the top stories, and my blond thoughts on them:
1) Halle Berry had a baby girl, and her name is Nahla Ariela Aubry - Cute gossip, and it's nice to see a celebrity name their child something simpler. I mean, she coulda gone with Apple, Moon-Unit, or Dweezil.
2) Vern (Mini Me) Troyer - So he hung out with House of Pain in Las Vegas, and rapped a little. Cool for him, kinda boring for me. Moving on. (Don't get me wrong, Vern is a hoot to see on those reality shows, but this is too tame compared to that.)
3) Amy Winehouse - Awful pictures of her face, with open sores and other pictures of fresh cuts on her arms. She's been christened "Wino" by one of the gossip blogs, and it seems to me she needs to grow the hell up. She's had a chance that some of those people who tried out for American Idol would kill for, and she's blowing it. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, husband in jail....WTF else can go wrong in her life before she realizes she better quit singing about "Rehab" and get her ass in there.
4) Heather Mills McCartney - Dubbed the most hated woman in Britain, she gets no sympathy from me, or the judge either. He basically said she was a big fat liar. She got $48 million from Mr. Beatle, wanted more, and supposedly dumped a glass of water on the opposing council. I'm wondering if you or I would have been arrested for a stunt like that?
5) Prince William and Kate Middleton - Back together, and skiing at a resort. Prince Charles is due to join them later this week. Somewhat interesting, nice to hear about people staying together instead of breaking up and going to court.
6) Harry Potter - Dame Maggie Smith (Professor McGonagall) diagnosed with breast cancer, yet still filming the newest Potter movie. Fight the good fight, Maggie! Meanwhile, Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) has been nicknamed "Harry Puffer" on the set. Yeah, I can't talk, I smoke too. Just say 'no', people...don't even get started.
All in all, I'm glad I only check these sites out once a week or so. Interesting...maybe. But brain food, it's not.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
What Culture Shock?
Blond joke of the day:
Q - Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
A - She kept throwing away all the W's.
Let's see...what should today's topic be? Let's go with Culture Shock. Like the shock of moving from the frigid cold of British Columbia, Canada to sunny Southern California. You'd think that moving to a whole other country would be hard, right? Well, it is in some ways. I miss all the family and friends from up north, sometimes very badly.
On the plus side, I certainly don't miss the shoveling. You Canucks know exactly what I mean. Especially if you live in a rural area. First, you shovel your steps, and if you have a deck, you have to at least shovel a path through it so you and assorted kids and dogs can get through. Then you have to sweep snow off your car, scrape all windows. Then you have to somehow get your driveway clear. And if you live on a farm....woooo boy, tons of fun there. You have to shovel a path to various chicken coops, barns, etc. Then it snows another 6 feet and you start all over again. Ok, I exaggerate a little. Guess what guys? I do not envy you.
Here in Cali, we have no concept of this. We go about our business, baking in the hot sun. When there's rain in the forecast, we get dire warnings on the news about driving in the rain. People get into accidents because of a little rain here. These warnings make me laugh. Out loud. Imagine the fun they'd have with snow! Also, people hurry around outside, making sure things are covered so they don't get wet, bring in the shoes, etc. My father-in-law actually got up at 2 a.m. one night when he heard it raining to put things away.
And then we have the clothing industry. I remember paying quite a lot of money for certain name brands of jeans in Canada. Maybe because they have to order it in or something. Especially in a really small town, where there's only 1 store that carries them. I'm talking $80 here people.
So the first time I went shopping with my mother-in-law here, imagine my surprise when she took me to a store with name brand clothes. I paid $12 for jeans that would have cost me over $50 up north. And the $80 ones? They sell for $22. The reason being that we shopped at an outlet store. Love those places.
Another thing I noticed about California is the phone bills. I pay $24.95 per month for my phone. I can call Canada, Mexico, and all over the U.S. For $25. Flat rate. No matter how long I talk, and boy can I talk. Gone are the days up in B.C. when I called my brother in a town twenty minutes away and paid long-distance charges. Don't miss that.
Now to be fair, I really do miss you guys in my homeland. Not everything in California is so great. I really miss the smell of those pine and fir trees after a rain. The only time I get to smell that is at Christmas time when we bring in the tree. Yeah, I get some strange looks when I bury my head in the branches and deeply inhale. For an hour.
Also, I miss going shopping and running into people I know. Or people I'm related to. I remember going to Walmart and finding someone to talk to in every other aisle. I miss that. Going shopping here and knowing you're not going to see anyone you recognize is kind of sad. The one and only time we saw someone we know was at a local grocery store. We were loading in the groceries, the kids were arguing, and just when Hubs snarled "You kids, knock your shit off!", there's a lady I know. From my son's Kindergarten class. Great.
One more thing to hate about California. Just two little words. Traffic Jams. That is all.
So all in all, life here is pretty darn good. The people here are pretty much like Canadians, but tanner. And maybe a little less polite. If I could move you all down here, I would. C'mon guys....you won't have to shovel....ever. Great prices, except on gas. But you won't need it anyway, because you won't be going anywhere in this traffic anyway. Can I ask a favor though? When you pack, bring me a pine tree? Pretty please?
Q - Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
A - She kept throwing away all the W's.
Let's see...what should today's topic be? Let's go with Culture Shock. Like the shock of moving from the frigid cold of British Columbia, Canada to sunny Southern California. You'd think that moving to a whole other country would be hard, right? Well, it is in some ways. I miss all the family and friends from up north, sometimes very badly.
On the plus side, I certainly don't miss the shoveling. You Canucks know exactly what I mean. Especially if you live in a rural area. First, you shovel your steps, and if you have a deck, you have to at least shovel a path through it so you and assorted kids and dogs can get through. Then you have to sweep snow off your car, scrape all windows. Then you have to somehow get your driveway clear. And if you live on a farm....woooo boy, tons of fun there. You have to shovel a path to various chicken coops, barns, etc. Then it snows another 6 feet and you start all over again. Ok, I exaggerate a little. Guess what guys? I do not envy you.
Here in Cali, we have no concept of this. We go about our business, baking in the hot sun. When there's rain in the forecast, we get dire warnings on the news about driving in the rain. People get into accidents because of a little rain here. These warnings make me laugh. Out loud. Imagine the fun they'd have with snow! Also, people hurry around outside, making sure things are covered so they don't get wet, bring in the shoes, etc. My father-in-law actually got up at 2 a.m. one night when he heard it raining to put things away.
And then we have the clothing industry. I remember paying quite a lot of money for certain name brands of jeans in Canada. Maybe because they have to order it in or something. Especially in a really small town, where there's only 1 store that carries them. I'm talking $80 here people.
So the first time I went shopping with my mother-in-law here, imagine my surprise when she took me to a store with name brand clothes. I paid $12 for jeans that would have cost me over $50 up north. And the $80 ones? They sell for $22. The reason being that we shopped at an outlet store. Love those places.
Another thing I noticed about California is the phone bills. I pay $24.95 per month for my phone. I can call Canada, Mexico, and all over the U.S. For $25. Flat rate. No matter how long I talk, and boy can I talk. Gone are the days up in B.C. when I called my brother in a town twenty minutes away and paid long-distance charges. Don't miss that.
Now to be fair, I really do miss you guys in my homeland. Not everything in California is so great. I really miss the smell of those pine and fir trees after a rain. The only time I get to smell that is at Christmas time when we bring in the tree. Yeah, I get some strange looks when I bury my head in the branches and deeply inhale. For an hour.
Also, I miss going shopping and running into people I know. Or people I'm related to. I remember going to Walmart and finding someone to talk to in every other aisle. I miss that. Going shopping here and knowing you're not going to see anyone you recognize is kind of sad. The one and only time we saw someone we know was at a local grocery store. We were loading in the groceries, the kids were arguing, and just when Hubs snarled "You kids, knock your shit off!", there's a lady I know. From my son's Kindergarten class. Great.
One more thing to hate about California. Just two little words. Traffic Jams. That is all.
So all in all, life here is pretty darn good. The people here are pretty much like Canadians, but tanner. And maybe a little less polite. If I could move you all down here, I would. C'mon guys....you won't have to shovel....ever. Great prices, except on gas. But you won't need it anyway, because you won't be going anywhere in this traffic anyway. Can I ask a favor though? When you pack, bring me a pine tree? Pretty please?
Friday, March 14, 2008
What's a Blog??
What's a blog? Yeah that's what I was asking myself just a few short years ago. Now you'd have to live under a rock to not know what a blog is. So without further ado, here is mine:
Blond joke of the day :
Q - What did the blond say when she opened the box of cheerios?
A - "Look, doughnut seeds!!"
So today I was reading another blog which talked about the most embarassing moment in your life. It got me to thinking, and I realized something. I'm luckier than most people, because I actually have two most embarassing moments. No! I am not going to tell you them...Aw, geez, you're right, I'm the on that brought it up, huh? Fine, if you insist. Here they are, in chronological order.
Embarassing moment number one :
This would have to be in elementary school. At that time, all the little girls had a mad crush on...let's just call him W., and the monkey bars were king. There was always a mad scramble when the bell rang to reach the top of the bars. Once there, you.....sat. There were only 4 spots at the top available, and if you were one of the lucky ones, you didn't leave until the bell rang again. One day, I got lucky. Sitting on my perch, high above the playground, queen of all I surveyed. With only one regret...that nagging feeling that I should have gone to the bathroom before coming outside. No matter, I could hold it...oh geez...uh oh...nope. Maybe no one noticed. A piercing scream from below caused me to glance down. Why there's W., the cutest boy in school. Boy, he sure is upset about something...
Yeah, I peed on the cutest boy in school, and he was not pleased.
Embarassing moment number 2 - This would be the time my best friend L. and I were in our teens. Old enough to be left home alone while the parents went out...or so they thought. We started off our night of freedom by sneaking into her parents liquor cabinet. Rye? Hmm, sounds good...let's mix it with this here apple juice. One tall drink later, we were up to no good. Walking around the neighborhood, right beside the main highway, singing loudly and off-key. We made a quick stop by the local campsite to steal some beer from coolers. (We actually didn't get too much beer, but they sure found a lot of empty Cherry Coke cans lying around the next day!)
Continuing on our merry way, we walked further. A short while later, a car pulls up. "Get in the car, you goofs! What the hell are you two up to!"
Busted. By L.'s big brother and his friend. While they tried to stuff us into the family station wagon, I had that nagging feeling again. Too drunk to care, I went. On the side of a major highway, in front of big brother and friend. I sure cared the next day, though. At least this time I dropped trou and no one got hurt...er...wet.
Blond joke of the day :
Q - What did the blond say when she opened the box of cheerios?
A - "Look, doughnut seeds!!"
So today I was reading another blog which talked about the most embarassing moment in your life. It got me to thinking, and I realized something. I'm luckier than most people, because I actually have two most embarassing moments. No! I am not going to tell you them...Aw, geez, you're right, I'm the on that brought it up, huh? Fine, if you insist. Here they are, in chronological order.
Embarassing moment number one :
This would have to be in elementary school. At that time, all the little girls had a mad crush on...let's just call him W., and the monkey bars were king. There was always a mad scramble when the bell rang to reach the top of the bars. Once there, you.....sat. There were only 4 spots at the top available, and if you were one of the lucky ones, you didn't leave until the bell rang again. One day, I got lucky. Sitting on my perch, high above the playground, queen of all I surveyed. With only one regret...that nagging feeling that I should have gone to the bathroom before coming outside. No matter, I could hold it...oh geez...uh oh...nope. Maybe no one noticed. A piercing scream from below caused me to glance down. Why there's W., the cutest boy in school. Boy, he sure is upset about something...
Yeah, I peed on the cutest boy in school, and he was not pleased.
Embarassing moment number 2 - This would be the time my best friend L. and I were in our teens. Old enough to be left home alone while the parents went out...or so they thought. We started off our night of freedom by sneaking into her parents liquor cabinet. Rye? Hmm, sounds good...let's mix it with this here apple juice. One tall drink later, we were up to no good. Walking around the neighborhood, right beside the main highway, singing loudly and off-key. We made a quick stop by the local campsite to steal some beer from coolers. (We actually didn't get too much beer, but they sure found a lot of empty Cherry Coke cans lying around the next day!)
Continuing on our merry way, we walked further. A short while later, a car pulls up. "Get in the car, you goofs! What the hell are you two up to!"
Busted. By L.'s big brother and his friend. While they tried to stuff us into the family station wagon, I had that nagging feeling again. Too drunk to care, I went. On the side of a major highway, in front of big brother and friend. I sure cared the next day, though. At least this time I dropped trou and no one got hurt...er...wet.
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