Blonde Joke Of The Day:
A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette's word was quizzical. The redhead's word was photosynthesis. The blonde's word was dick.
- Courtesy of:
http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=3334
Hello everyone in blog-land! Having just returned from our annual family vacation to Montana, I'm ready to update. Quick question....anyone out there ever traveled 22 or so hours in a car with 2 kids?? I thought vacations were supposed to be relaxing...NOT!
Anyway, we stayed in Helena, Montana for a little over a week with my parents. We also traveled up to Kalispell to meet my brother and his family, and it was great to see my neices and nephew. Hi to K., K., S., and N.! They grew like weeds while I wasn't looking!
Here's a quick list of things we did while in Montana:
1) The Hubs went fishing for Walleye - He caught 30 or so the first day, releasing all but 9. Nine Walleye is the legal limit, and he gave those to a new fishing buddy he met on the lake. He was amazed to find out that the locals use leeches to catch these fish. The guy who showed him how to catch Walleyes was first amazed, then disgruntled as J. (Yes, this is hubby's initial) proceeded to catch all the fish in the vicinity, while he caught nothing but a big ol' skunkeroo. (For non-fisherman, this means ZERO fish)
2) Saw the Lady of the Rockies - A big white statue above Butte, Montana. Dedicated to women everywhere, Wikipedia lists it as America's largest Madonna. You can see it at night as well.
3) Refereed in numerous fights - OK, just the ones between the kids, but that counts, right?
4) Went to Walmart - Interesting to see the local wildlife, especially the couple having the big fight in the sporting goods aisle. Lady, I know it sucks to look at man stuff for hours on end (Damn, do I feel your pain!) but calling your honey those kinds of names in public...let's just say my hair is more curly now than it was before!
5) Lewis and Clark Caverns - Just....wow. The hike up to the Cavern's entrance is ONLY .75 of a mile....they just don't tell you it's frickin' straight up all the way. (Yeah. I exaggerate....a little)
Two hours of walking through the most amazing formations underground. Stalactites, stalagmites, columns, and "cave popcorn". No other word to describe it except 'stunning'. So what if the guide's warning "Watch your head here...pass it back!" gets passed back a little on the late side...the lump will go down eventually. Definitely a 'must-see', and at $10 a person, a great deal.
6) Ate at The Jade Garden - We were famished after hiking the caverns all day. The server at Jade Garden was awesome, the food was great and plentiful. Thanks to L.T. from the pawn shop for the recommendation, it was great!
Great fun was had by all, and spending time with my parents was awesome. The state of Montana generally just rocks out loud. If you like the Great Outdoors, Montana is the place for you. We had deer outside our hotel room right in the heart of Helena. So go already!
PS - OK, I was just going to let this slide, but one thing in Montana wasn't good. We ate at a chain restaurant, we'll just call it Jerkins. The food was great, but we had 3 different servers throughout our meal, no drinking water, waited forever for our food, no children's menu, and the list goes on....and on. Everyone around us got their food wayyyyyyyy ahead of us. And staring at my bi-racial son like an insect...Did you order a knuckle sandwich for here or to go? I did restrain myself, and my dad even tipped. But it was only one incident in a fun week. Other than that, I'd definitely recommend vacationing in Montana. Just don't eat at Jerkins!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Aging Like Fine Wine.
Blonde Joke of the Day:
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
Courtesy of:
http://www.blonde-jokes.co.uk/top-10-dumb-blonde-jokes.php
Today, we're going to discuss growing older. No groans please, I'm going to tell you why growing old can be good. A case in point:
Yesterday, while eating lunch at a local restaurant I overheard an interesting interaction at the next table. Yeah, I eavesdrop on other people's conversations sometimes. Bite me, you know you do it too. Anyway, what else is one to do when Hubby and I have finished our little talk about why he should go fishing instead of going grocery shopping with me? He won, by the way, which is why I'm sitting here writing this and he's baking in the hot California sun trying to catch dinner. Another thing...I was always taught not to talk with my mouth full, so eavesdropping is the natural next step when your lunch arrives and you're chowing down.
A cute old couple were seated at the next table. And when I say old, I mean it. Grandma was in a wheelchair, pushed by a lady in a nurse's uniform, and Gramps had a cane. The waiter arrived to take their drinks order.
Nurse: She can have anything except iced tea.
Grandma : (Yelling) Iced Deeeeeeee!
Nurse: (to Gramps) Iced tea is bad for her.
Gramps smiles gently, pats Grandma's hand.
Grandma: ICED DEEEEEEE!
Grandma gets her iced tea.
Now the waiter comes back to get their meal order. Gramps orders the soup and a sandwich. Nurse orders a chicken burger. Grandma has other ideas.
Grandma: PIE!
Nurse: Darling, you know you must have a meal before dessert.
Grandma PIE!!!!
Grandma got her pie.....with ice cream. And you know why? Because she's old. And loud. Score one point for getting decrepit...you can eat whatever you want.
Here's another reason getting old can be great. You really know how get out of hearing things you'd rather not. J.'s Grandma is somewhere in her 90's, although we're not exactly sure if it's 93 or 96 because she lies about her age all the time. We celebrated her birthday by going out for dinner at a restaurant in L.A. All the aunts and uncles were there, plus a few grandkids.
Aunt: Happy birthday Mother!
Grandma : Thank you.
Aunt: How are you feeling?
Grandma: Good, a little tired. (it was 7 pm)
Aunt: Maybe we should take you back early tonight.
Grandma : What?
Aunt: I said, maybe we should take you back early tonight.
Grandma: What?
Aunt: Never mind.
You see, when you get older, you can pretend not to hear anything you don't like. Doctor's appointment? Can't hear you. Still can't hear you. Time for your flu shot? Nope, can't hear that either. And if all else fails, you can always use Grandma's other trick. Look confused, and say "Who are you??". Works every time...
Getting old has other good points too. Another thing I've noticed is the respect thing. Grandma says the rudest thing, and everyone says "Oh never mind, she's just old." Automatic excuse for bad behaviour. We respect our elders to the point that they can say or do what they want. Hell, they've earned it.
Also, when you reach a certain age, you know exactly how to push that 'guilt' button with your kids and grandkids. When Grandma feels lonely, and wants company, she refuses to eat her dinner. If that doesn't work, she turns down breakfast. Then J.'s mom gets the call. "She's not eating again!". Then the troops roll out. They gather together all her favorite foods in a cooler. They head down there and visit. She smiles her victory smile, and then eats everything in sight. Keep in mind, she has Aunt C. with her every day. J.'s parents visit on average 3-4 times weekly. She has 3 other sons who stop by whenever they can. She has more company than Donald Trump has hotels.
I just have one question....why do we not want to get old?? It seems like you don't have to listen, you eat what you want, you can make family come running, and say whatever pops into your head! Where's the drawback, I ask you?
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
Courtesy of:
http://www.blonde-jokes.co.uk/top-10-dumb-blonde-jokes.php
Today, we're going to discuss growing older. No groans please, I'm going to tell you why growing old can be good. A case in point:
Yesterday, while eating lunch at a local restaurant I overheard an interesting interaction at the next table. Yeah, I eavesdrop on other people's conversations sometimes. Bite me, you know you do it too. Anyway, what else is one to do when Hubby and I have finished our little talk about why he should go fishing instead of going grocery shopping with me? He won, by the way, which is why I'm sitting here writing this and he's baking in the hot California sun trying to catch dinner. Another thing...I was always taught not to talk with my mouth full, so eavesdropping is the natural next step when your lunch arrives and you're chowing down.
A cute old couple were seated at the next table. And when I say old, I mean it. Grandma was in a wheelchair, pushed by a lady in a nurse's uniform, and Gramps had a cane. The waiter arrived to take their drinks order.
Nurse: She can have anything except iced tea.
Grandma : (Yelling) Iced Deeeeeeee!
Nurse: (to Gramps) Iced tea is bad for her.
Gramps smiles gently, pats Grandma's hand.
Grandma: ICED DEEEEEEE!
Grandma gets her iced tea.
Now the waiter comes back to get their meal order. Gramps orders the soup and a sandwich. Nurse orders a chicken burger. Grandma has other ideas.
Grandma: PIE!
Nurse: Darling, you know you must have a meal before dessert.
Grandma PIE!!!!
Grandma got her pie.....with ice cream. And you know why? Because she's old. And loud. Score one point for getting decrepit...you can eat whatever you want.
Here's another reason getting old can be great. You really know how get out of hearing things you'd rather not. J.'s Grandma is somewhere in her 90's, although we're not exactly sure if it's 93 or 96 because she lies about her age all the time. We celebrated her birthday by going out for dinner at a restaurant in L.A. All the aunts and uncles were there, plus a few grandkids.
Aunt: Happy birthday Mother!
Grandma : Thank you.
Aunt: How are you feeling?
Grandma: Good, a little tired. (it was 7 pm)
Aunt: Maybe we should take you back early tonight.
Grandma : What?
Aunt: I said, maybe we should take you back early tonight.
Grandma: What?
Aunt: Never mind.
You see, when you get older, you can pretend not to hear anything you don't like. Doctor's appointment? Can't hear you. Still can't hear you. Time for your flu shot? Nope, can't hear that either. And if all else fails, you can always use Grandma's other trick. Look confused, and say "Who are you??". Works every time...
Getting old has other good points too. Another thing I've noticed is the respect thing. Grandma says the rudest thing, and everyone says "Oh never mind, she's just old." Automatic excuse for bad behaviour. We respect our elders to the point that they can say or do what they want. Hell, they've earned it.
Also, when you reach a certain age, you know exactly how to push that 'guilt' button with your kids and grandkids. When Grandma feels lonely, and wants company, she refuses to eat her dinner. If that doesn't work, she turns down breakfast. Then J.'s mom gets the call. "She's not eating again!". Then the troops roll out. They gather together all her favorite foods in a cooler. They head down there and visit. She smiles her victory smile, and then eats everything in sight. Keep in mind, she has Aunt C. with her every day. J.'s parents visit on average 3-4 times weekly. She has 3 other sons who stop by whenever they can. She has more company than Donald Trump has hotels.
I just have one question....why do we not want to get old?? It seems like you don't have to listen, you eat what you want, you can make family come running, and say whatever pops into your head! Where's the drawback, I ask you?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Drum Roll, Please!
Blonde Joke of the Day:
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"
- Courtesy of Comedy Central - http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=5226
Well, time for another post...geez, haven't posted in awhile. So sue me...hehe. Anyway, I got to thinking about things I hate yesterday. Mostly because I had one of those days...the kind where it seems everyone is out to get you. Some of the things listed happened to me yesterday, and some didn't. As a tribute to Mr. David Letterman, I composed a "Top Ten" list....but since I'm a cranky mofo, it ended being a Top 20 list instead.
And the Top 20 Things That Annoy The Fook Outta Me! are:
20) Getting my son S. out of bed in the morning. You'd think since he gets up at 7 am Monday through Friday, he'd eventually get used to it. Nope. The second his eyes open he starts wailing. "I hate the morning...I'm too tired...This is the worst day ever! I hate YOU!" My answer? "Ya really think I like getting up this early to get your sorry butt off to school??". Yeah, I'm real mature at 7 am too....wonder where S. gets his pleasant morning attitude from?
19) Lame excuses - This one ties into number 20. "I can't get up and go to school today...my stomach hurts!"
"Hmm, let's go eat breakfast and see if that helps."
"But...but...I can't...my knee hurts!!"
"Not gonna work...cuz your knee seemed fine when you were kicking and screaming three minutes ago! Get up!"
"AAAAAH...I can't...my eyebrows hurt!!!" <--- actual excuse used...it didn't work either.
18) Bad Drivers - Yeah, I'm talking to you. You, the one who glared at ME because I crossed the street. Sure, you coulda used a signal light to indicate you were making a turn whilst I was trying to cross the street. Sorry, forgot my psychic powers at home, my bad.
17) Redundant Questions - Ya know, I love my in-laws. I really do. But sometimes...anyone got some duct tape I can borrow? "Did you put S. in a coat this morning?" - Nope, sure didn't. I love it when he catches a cold, and he's even more grouchy. I also love when I have to run around all day, making soup, making tea, taking temperatures, and dispensing cold meds. Hell yes I put a coat on him, I ain't that blond...grrrrrrr.
"Did S. brush his teeth?" - Yeah, I love taking him to the dentist, hearing him complain, and paying the bill. Good times....Argh.
Did I mention they go to Mexico a lot? Yay...I mean...darn.
16) "Hey hon...are there any more clean blahblahs? I'm out!" - ARGH! I love you, J. But you think you could warn a person the day before you run out of unmentionables? And why do they ask this question 25 minutes before we have to be somewhere? My new response is gonna be: "Sorry babe, I just picked the last ones off the underwear tree...guess you're goin' commando today!"
15) Toothpaste Messes - Hmm...there's some in the sink. And the counter. Geez, even the floor! But what I didn't realize is that there was more. I washed my hands, brushed my teeth (no toothpaste anywhere but down the drain, thankyouverymuch!), put on makeup, contacts, deodorant, and left. All day, my eyes itched and watered. By the time I got home, it looked like I had a bad case of Pinkeye or a raging eye infection. Took out my contacts thinking they were the culprit. They kinda were. Hmm, that hand towel looks a little grungy. Better change it. What's this blue gunk? Ohhhhh snap! I'm just grateful S. uses kids toothpaste still, and not the more powerful stuff we use. The moral of the story is: Always check towel before drying hands then putting contacts in.
14) Customer Service - Ok, why is it when you're actually looking for something, getting help is like pulling teeth?? And when you finally do find someone they either a) have no clue wtf you're talking about, or b) don't give a damn.
And then you walk into another store, just to kill time and browse. Five guys in matching shirts pop out of the woodwork. "Can I help you today?".
"Nope, just looking. But I think two of you guys should go next door, they could use some help."
13) The Honkers - Nope, not Canada Geese. Soccer moms. The ones in the line of cars to drop off their little bundles of joy at the school. Yep, the 30 cars ahead of you are just gonna disappear if you honk your horn loudly enough. And again. And yet again. Geez lady, this ain't Hogwart's, and Harry Potter isn't gonna wave his li'l magic wand just so you can pull up.
12) The Grunt - You know him. He's that guy at the gym. The guy with the ginormous muscles in a tank top even though it's freezing in there. And he's grunting...out loud...with every rep. There's one in every gym. And they're all annoying.
11) Clowns - Just clowns in general. Scary mofos, each and every one. The Stephen King novel didn't help, nor did the pics of John Wayne Gacey as a clown. No wonder kids cry when they see'em for the first time.
10) Hackers - Nope, not the geeky guy living in Mom's basement who steals your ID and uses it to buy techno-geek gadgets and pocket protectors. I'm talking about those beeotches with the scissors who promise to only cut off one or two inches. Six inches later, and panic sets in. Worst case scenario - you're a teen in the 80's and she cuts your hair so short you can't even get it around a curling iron to make it 'feather' (AKA Mullet!). Yeah, I'm still bitter.
9) Movie Endings That Suck - Ever watched on of those movies and you feel like throwing something at the screen at the end? Or there's no real resolution to the conflict....just so they can make an even lamer sequel? Argh....that is all.
8) Acting Like Your Parents - Ok, this is just scary. You know all those things you hated dealing with as a kid? Then you start doing or saying them. Grrrreat. Love you, Mom and Dad!
7) Princesses - Those girls, the ones that walk or drive around while talking on rhinestone encrusted 'cellies', carrying purses big enough to house a family of rhinos. The ones who think their time is more valuable than anyone elses, and they're special. Yep. you're special...especially annoying.
6) Sporting Goods Stores - J., honey, I love going fishing with you. Shopping for hooks, sinkers, poles, and reels? For three hours?? Not so much. And no, I do not want a fishing pole for my birthday.
5) Teenagers - In general...all of them. Skaters, Emos, Sidewalk hoggers. In specific, my darling daughter, C. Baby doll, you're not the first teenager to discover boys, get acne, get grounded, cry, giggle hysterically, and talk on the phone for hours. But all in one day???
4) Dog Doodoo Dipshits - You might be one of these people if your dog craps on everyones lawn....except yours. Next time you let Fido pinch off a loaf right where we get out of our car, you're getting it back. Air mail. And the old "I forgot a bag" excuse ain't gonna work. You have a big purse, use it... before you wear it as a hat.
3) Bad Waitresses - Maybe you should try sitting here forever with my kids while they whine about being thirsty, hungry, and bored. Then hear them whine about their food being wrong. The final straw....take forever to bring me the bill, just so I can hear yet more whining. Have a nice day? Thanks to you, nope.
2) Are We Done Yet? - Words not to be spoken to a wife while she is shopping for clothes. It's bad enough you finally see a pair of jeans you love, they're on sale...and they only have them in Size 2 or size 18.
1) And the number one thing that annoys me right now is....My friend, K. How dare you tell me you're moving to San Diego? Three hours away...Wahhhh. My shopping buddy, my willing ear, along with the uncanny ability to pull something off the rack, hand it to me, and it fits perfectly. And the best thing about K....she never says "Are we done yet?".
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"
- Courtesy of Comedy Central - http://jokes.comedycentral.com/random_joke.aspx?joke_id=5226
Well, time for another post...geez, haven't posted in awhile. So sue me...hehe. Anyway, I got to thinking about things I hate yesterday. Mostly because I had one of those days...the kind where it seems everyone is out to get you. Some of the things listed happened to me yesterday, and some didn't. As a tribute to Mr. David Letterman, I composed a "Top Ten" list....but since I'm a cranky mofo, it ended being a Top 20 list instead.
And the Top 20 Things That Annoy The Fook Outta Me! are:
20) Getting my son S. out of bed in the morning. You'd think since he gets up at 7 am Monday through Friday, he'd eventually get used to it. Nope. The second his eyes open he starts wailing. "I hate the morning...I'm too tired...This is the worst day ever! I hate YOU!" My answer? "Ya really think I like getting up this early to get your sorry butt off to school??". Yeah, I'm real mature at 7 am too....wonder where S. gets his pleasant morning attitude from?
19) Lame excuses - This one ties into number 20. "I can't get up and go to school today...my stomach hurts!"
"Hmm, let's go eat breakfast and see if that helps."
"But...but...I can't...my knee hurts!!"
"Not gonna work...cuz your knee seemed fine when you were kicking and screaming three minutes ago! Get up!"
"AAAAAH...I can't...my eyebrows hurt!!!" <--- actual excuse used...it didn't work either.
18) Bad Drivers - Yeah, I'm talking to you. You, the one who glared at ME because I crossed the street. Sure, you coulda used a signal light to indicate you were making a turn whilst I was trying to cross the street. Sorry, forgot my psychic powers at home, my bad.
17) Redundant Questions - Ya know, I love my in-laws. I really do. But sometimes...anyone got some duct tape I can borrow? "Did you put S. in a coat this morning?" - Nope, sure didn't. I love it when he catches a cold, and he's even more grouchy. I also love when I have to run around all day, making soup, making tea, taking temperatures, and dispensing cold meds. Hell yes I put a coat on him, I ain't that blond...grrrrrrr.
"Did S. brush his teeth?" - Yeah, I love taking him to the dentist, hearing him complain, and paying the bill. Good times....Argh.
Did I mention they go to Mexico a lot? Yay...I mean...darn.
16) "Hey hon...are there any more clean blahblahs? I'm out!" - ARGH! I love you, J. But you think you could warn a person the day before you run out of unmentionables? And why do they ask this question 25 minutes before we have to be somewhere? My new response is gonna be: "Sorry babe, I just picked the last ones off the underwear tree...guess you're goin' commando today!"
15) Toothpaste Messes - Hmm...there's some in the sink. And the counter. Geez, even the floor! But what I didn't realize is that there was more. I washed my hands, brushed my teeth (no toothpaste anywhere but down the drain, thankyouverymuch!), put on makeup, contacts, deodorant, and left. All day, my eyes itched and watered. By the time I got home, it looked like I had a bad case of Pinkeye or a raging eye infection. Took out my contacts thinking they were the culprit. They kinda were. Hmm, that hand towel looks a little grungy. Better change it. What's this blue gunk? Ohhhhh snap! I'm just grateful S. uses kids toothpaste still, and not the more powerful stuff we use. The moral of the story is: Always check towel before drying hands then putting contacts in.
14) Customer Service - Ok, why is it when you're actually looking for something, getting help is like pulling teeth?? And when you finally do find someone they either a) have no clue wtf you're talking about, or b) don't give a damn.
And then you walk into another store, just to kill time and browse. Five guys in matching shirts pop out of the woodwork. "Can I help you today?".
"Nope, just looking. But I think two of you guys should go next door, they could use some help."
13) The Honkers - Nope, not Canada Geese. Soccer moms. The ones in the line of cars to drop off their little bundles of joy at the school. Yep, the 30 cars ahead of you are just gonna disappear if you honk your horn loudly enough. And again. And yet again. Geez lady, this ain't Hogwart's, and Harry Potter isn't gonna wave his li'l magic wand just so you can pull up.
12) The Grunt - You know him. He's that guy at the gym. The guy with the ginormous muscles in a tank top even though it's freezing in there. And he's grunting...out loud...with every rep. There's one in every gym. And they're all annoying.
11) Clowns - Just clowns in general. Scary mofos, each and every one. The Stephen King novel didn't help, nor did the pics of John Wayne Gacey as a clown. No wonder kids cry when they see'em for the first time.
10) Hackers - Nope, not the geeky guy living in Mom's basement who steals your ID and uses it to buy techno-geek gadgets and pocket protectors. I'm talking about those beeotches with the scissors who promise to only cut off one or two inches. Six inches later, and panic sets in. Worst case scenario - you're a teen in the 80's and she cuts your hair so short you can't even get it around a curling iron to make it 'feather' (AKA Mullet!). Yeah, I'm still bitter.
9) Movie Endings That Suck - Ever watched on of those movies and you feel like throwing something at the screen at the end? Or there's no real resolution to the conflict....just so they can make an even lamer sequel? Argh....that is all.
8) Acting Like Your Parents - Ok, this is just scary. You know all those things you hated dealing with as a kid? Then you start doing or saying them. Grrrreat. Love you, Mom and Dad!
7) Princesses - Those girls, the ones that walk or drive around while talking on rhinestone encrusted 'cellies', carrying purses big enough to house a family of rhinos. The ones who think their time is more valuable than anyone elses, and they're special. Yep. you're special...especially annoying.
6) Sporting Goods Stores - J., honey, I love going fishing with you. Shopping for hooks, sinkers, poles, and reels? For three hours?? Not so much. And no, I do not want a fishing pole for my birthday.
5) Teenagers - In general...all of them. Skaters, Emos, Sidewalk hoggers. In specific, my darling daughter, C. Baby doll, you're not the first teenager to discover boys, get acne, get grounded, cry, giggle hysterically, and talk on the phone for hours. But all in one day???
4) Dog Doodoo Dipshits - You might be one of these people if your dog craps on everyones lawn....except yours. Next time you let Fido pinch off a loaf right where we get out of our car, you're getting it back. Air mail. And the old "I forgot a bag" excuse ain't gonna work. You have a big purse, use it... before you wear it as a hat.
3) Bad Waitresses - Maybe you should try sitting here forever with my kids while they whine about being thirsty, hungry, and bored. Then hear them whine about their food being wrong. The final straw....take forever to bring me the bill, just so I can hear yet more whining. Have a nice day? Thanks to you, nope.
2) Are We Done Yet? - Words not to be spoken to a wife while she is shopping for clothes. It's bad enough you finally see a pair of jeans you love, they're on sale...and they only have them in Size 2 or size 18.
1) And the number one thing that annoys me right now is....My friend, K. How dare you tell me you're moving to San Diego? Three hours away...Wahhhh. My shopping buddy, my willing ear, along with the uncanny ability to pull something off the rack, hand it to me, and it fits perfectly. And the best thing about K....she never says "Are we done yet?".
Monday, March 17, 2008
Gossip, Folks!
Blond joke of the day:
Q - Why are there no brunette jokes?
A - Because blondes would have to think them up.
Since my last post on moving to California, I've thought (Yes, this blond does think.) about something that is the same both in Canada and the U.S. People love gossip! It doesn't matter whether it's about your high-school gym teacher, the guy down the road, or someone famous. I guess it's human nature, so don't you even try to deny.
I'll admit it, I have been known to read Perezhilton.com and TMZ.com on a fairly regular basis. In fact, today I got bored surfing the net and had a peek. Here's the top stories, and my blond thoughts on them:
1) Halle Berry had a baby girl, and her name is Nahla Ariela Aubry - Cute gossip, and it's nice to see a celebrity name their child something simpler. I mean, she coulda gone with Apple, Moon-Unit, or Dweezil.
2) Vern (Mini Me) Troyer - So he hung out with House of Pain in Las Vegas, and rapped a little. Cool for him, kinda boring for me. Moving on. (Don't get me wrong, Vern is a hoot to see on those reality shows, but this is too tame compared to that.)
3) Amy Winehouse - Awful pictures of her face, with open sores and other pictures of fresh cuts on her arms. She's been christened "Wino" by one of the gossip blogs, and it seems to me she needs to grow the hell up. She's had a chance that some of those people who tried out for American Idol would kill for, and she's blowing it. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, husband in jail....WTF else can go wrong in her life before she realizes she better quit singing about "Rehab" and get her ass in there.
4) Heather Mills McCartney - Dubbed the most hated woman in Britain, she gets no sympathy from me, or the judge either. He basically said she was a big fat liar. She got $48 million from Mr. Beatle, wanted more, and supposedly dumped a glass of water on the opposing council. I'm wondering if you or I would have been arrested for a stunt like that?
5) Prince William and Kate Middleton - Back together, and skiing at a resort. Prince Charles is due to join them later this week. Somewhat interesting, nice to hear about people staying together instead of breaking up and going to court.
6) Harry Potter - Dame Maggie Smith (Professor McGonagall) diagnosed with breast cancer, yet still filming the newest Potter movie. Fight the good fight, Maggie! Meanwhile, Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) has been nicknamed "Harry Puffer" on the set. Yeah, I can't talk, I smoke too. Just say 'no', people...don't even get started.
All in all, I'm glad I only check these sites out once a week or so. Interesting...maybe. But brain food, it's not.
Q - Why are there no brunette jokes?
A - Because blondes would have to think them up.
Since my last post on moving to California, I've thought (Yes, this blond does think.) about something that is the same both in Canada and the U.S. People love gossip! It doesn't matter whether it's about your high-school gym teacher, the guy down the road, or someone famous. I guess it's human nature, so don't you even try to deny.
I'll admit it, I have been known to read Perezhilton.com and TMZ.com on a fairly regular basis. In fact, today I got bored surfing the net and had a peek. Here's the top stories, and my blond thoughts on them:
1) Halle Berry had a baby girl, and her name is Nahla Ariela Aubry - Cute gossip, and it's nice to see a celebrity name their child something simpler. I mean, she coulda gone with Apple, Moon-Unit, or Dweezil.
2) Vern (Mini Me) Troyer - So he hung out with House of Pain in Las Vegas, and rapped a little. Cool for him, kinda boring for me. Moving on. (Don't get me wrong, Vern is a hoot to see on those reality shows, but this is too tame compared to that.)
3) Amy Winehouse - Awful pictures of her face, with open sores and other pictures of fresh cuts on her arms. She's been christened "Wino" by one of the gossip blogs, and it seems to me she needs to grow the hell up. She's had a chance that some of those people who tried out for American Idol would kill for, and she's blowing it. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, husband in jail....WTF else can go wrong in her life before she realizes she better quit singing about "Rehab" and get her ass in there.
4) Heather Mills McCartney - Dubbed the most hated woman in Britain, she gets no sympathy from me, or the judge either. He basically said she was a big fat liar. She got $48 million from Mr. Beatle, wanted more, and supposedly dumped a glass of water on the opposing council. I'm wondering if you or I would have been arrested for a stunt like that?
5) Prince William and Kate Middleton - Back together, and skiing at a resort. Prince Charles is due to join them later this week. Somewhat interesting, nice to hear about people staying together instead of breaking up and going to court.
6) Harry Potter - Dame Maggie Smith (Professor McGonagall) diagnosed with breast cancer, yet still filming the newest Potter movie. Fight the good fight, Maggie! Meanwhile, Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) has been nicknamed "Harry Puffer" on the set. Yeah, I can't talk, I smoke too. Just say 'no', people...don't even get started.
All in all, I'm glad I only check these sites out once a week or so. Interesting...maybe. But brain food, it's not.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
What Culture Shock?
Blond joke of the day:
Q - Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
A - She kept throwing away all the W's.
Let's see...what should today's topic be? Let's go with Culture Shock. Like the shock of moving from the frigid cold of British Columbia, Canada to sunny Southern California. You'd think that moving to a whole other country would be hard, right? Well, it is in some ways. I miss all the family and friends from up north, sometimes very badly.
On the plus side, I certainly don't miss the shoveling. You Canucks know exactly what I mean. Especially if you live in a rural area. First, you shovel your steps, and if you have a deck, you have to at least shovel a path through it so you and assorted kids and dogs can get through. Then you have to sweep snow off your car, scrape all windows. Then you have to somehow get your driveway clear. And if you live on a farm....woooo boy, tons of fun there. You have to shovel a path to various chicken coops, barns, etc. Then it snows another 6 feet and you start all over again. Ok, I exaggerate a little. Guess what guys? I do not envy you.
Here in Cali, we have no concept of this. We go about our business, baking in the hot sun. When there's rain in the forecast, we get dire warnings on the news about driving in the rain. People get into accidents because of a little rain here. These warnings make me laugh. Out loud. Imagine the fun they'd have with snow! Also, people hurry around outside, making sure things are covered so they don't get wet, bring in the shoes, etc. My father-in-law actually got up at 2 a.m. one night when he heard it raining to put things away.
And then we have the clothing industry. I remember paying quite a lot of money for certain name brands of jeans in Canada. Maybe because they have to order it in or something. Especially in a really small town, where there's only 1 store that carries them. I'm talking $80 here people.
So the first time I went shopping with my mother-in-law here, imagine my surprise when she took me to a store with name brand clothes. I paid $12 for jeans that would have cost me over $50 up north. And the $80 ones? They sell for $22. The reason being that we shopped at an outlet store. Love those places.
Another thing I noticed about California is the phone bills. I pay $24.95 per month for my phone. I can call Canada, Mexico, and all over the U.S. For $25. Flat rate. No matter how long I talk, and boy can I talk. Gone are the days up in B.C. when I called my brother in a town twenty minutes away and paid long-distance charges. Don't miss that.
Now to be fair, I really do miss you guys in my homeland. Not everything in California is so great. I really miss the smell of those pine and fir trees after a rain. The only time I get to smell that is at Christmas time when we bring in the tree. Yeah, I get some strange looks when I bury my head in the branches and deeply inhale. For an hour.
Also, I miss going shopping and running into people I know. Or people I'm related to. I remember going to Walmart and finding someone to talk to in every other aisle. I miss that. Going shopping here and knowing you're not going to see anyone you recognize is kind of sad. The one and only time we saw someone we know was at a local grocery store. We were loading in the groceries, the kids were arguing, and just when Hubs snarled "You kids, knock your shit off!", there's a lady I know. From my son's Kindergarten class. Great.
One more thing to hate about California. Just two little words. Traffic Jams. That is all.
So all in all, life here is pretty darn good. The people here are pretty much like Canadians, but tanner. And maybe a little less polite. If I could move you all down here, I would. C'mon guys....you won't have to shovel....ever. Great prices, except on gas. But you won't need it anyway, because you won't be going anywhere in this traffic anyway. Can I ask a favor though? When you pack, bring me a pine tree? Pretty please?
Q - Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory?
A - She kept throwing away all the W's.
Let's see...what should today's topic be? Let's go with Culture Shock. Like the shock of moving from the frigid cold of British Columbia, Canada to sunny Southern California. You'd think that moving to a whole other country would be hard, right? Well, it is in some ways. I miss all the family and friends from up north, sometimes very badly.
On the plus side, I certainly don't miss the shoveling. You Canucks know exactly what I mean. Especially if you live in a rural area. First, you shovel your steps, and if you have a deck, you have to at least shovel a path through it so you and assorted kids and dogs can get through. Then you have to sweep snow off your car, scrape all windows. Then you have to somehow get your driveway clear. And if you live on a farm....woooo boy, tons of fun there. You have to shovel a path to various chicken coops, barns, etc. Then it snows another 6 feet and you start all over again. Ok, I exaggerate a little. Guess what guys? I do not envy you.
Here in Cali, we have no concept of this. We go about our business, baking in the hot sun. When there's rain in the forecast, we get dire warnings on the news about driving in the rain. People get into accidents because of a little rain here. These warnings make me laugh. Out loud. Imagine the fun they'd have with snow! Also, people hurry around outside, making sure things are covered so they don't get wet, bring in the shoes, etc. My father-in-law actually got up at 2 a.m. one night when he heard it raining to put things away.
And then we have the clothing industry. I remember paying quite a lot of money for certain name brands of jeans in Canada. Maybe because they have to order it in or something. Especially in a really small town, where there's only 1 store that carries them. I'm talking $80 here people.
So the first time I went shopping with my mother-in-law here, imagine my surprise when she took me to a store with name brand clothes. I paid $12 for jeans that would have cost me over $50 up north. And the $80 ones? They sell for $22. The reason being that we shopped at an outlet store. Love those places.
Another thing I noticed about California is the phone bills. I pay $24.95 per month for my phone. I can call Canada, Mexico, and all over the U.S. For $25. Flat rate. No matter how long I talk, and boy can I talk. Gone are the days up in B.C. when I called my brother in a town twenty minutes away and paid long-distance charges. Don't miss that.
Now to be fair, I really do miss you guys in my homeland. Not everything in California is so great. I really miss the smell of those pine and fir trees after a rain. The only time I get to smell that is at Christmas time when we bring in the tree. Yeah, I get some strange looks when I bury my head in the branches and deeply inhale. For an hour.
Also, I miss going shopping and running into people I know. Or people I'm related to. I remember going to Walmart and finding someone to talk to in every other aisle. I miss that. Going shopping here and knowing you're not going to see anyone you recognize is kind of sad. The one and only time we saw someone we know was at a local grocery store. We were loading in the groceries, the kids were arguing, and just when Hubs snarled "You kids, knock your shit off!", there's a lady I know. From my son's Kindergarten class. Great.
One more thing to hate about California. Just two little words. Traffic Jams. That is all.
So all in all, life here is pretty darn good. The people here are pretty much like Canadians, but tanner. And maybe a little less polite. If I could move you all down here, I would. C'mon guys....you won't have to shovel....ever. Great prices, except on gas. But you won't need it anyway, because you won't be going anywhere in this traffic anyway. Can I ask a favor though? When you pack, bring me a pine tree? Pretty please?
Friday, March 14, 2008
What's a Blog??
What's a blog? Yeah that's what I was asking myself just a few short years ago. Now you'd have to live under a rock to not know what a blog is. So without further ado, here is mine:
Blond joke of the day :
Q - What did the blond say when she opened the box of cheerios?
A - "Look, doughnut seeds!!"
So today I was reading another blog which talked about the most embarassing moment in your life. It got me to thinking, and I realized something. I'm luckier than most people, because I actually have two most embarassing moments. No! I am not going to tell you them...Aw, geez, you're right, I'm the on that brought it up, huh? Fine, if you insist. Here they are, in chronological order.
Embarassing moment number one :
This would have to be in elementary school. At that time, all the little girls had a mad crush on...let's just call him W., and the monkey bars were king. There was always a mad scramble when the bell rang to reach the top of the bars. Once there, you.....sat. There were only 4 spots at the top available, and if you were one of the lucky ones, you didn't leave until the bell rang again. One day, I got lucky. Sitting on my perch, high above the playground, queen of all I surveyed. With only one regret...that nagging feeling that I should have gone to the bathroom before coming outside. No matter, I could hold it...oh geez...uh oh...nope. Maybe no one noticed. A piercing scream from below caused me to glance down. Why there's W., the cutest boy in school. Boy, he sure is upset about something...
Yeah, I peed on the cutest boy in school, and he was not pleased.
Embarassing moment number 2 - This would be the time my best friend L. and I were in our teens. Old enough to be left home alone while the parents went out...or so they thought. We started off our night of freedom by sneaking into her parents liquor cabinet. Rye? Hmm, sounds good...let's mix it with this here apple juice. One tall drink later, we were up to no good. Walking around the neighborhood, right beside the main highway, singing loudly and off-key. We made a quick stop by the local campsite to steal some beer from coolers. (We actually didn't get too much beer, but they sure found a lot of empty Cherry Coke cans lying around the next day!)
Continuing on our merry way, we walked further. A short while later, a car pulls up. "Get in the car, you goofs! What the hell are you two up to!"
Busted. By L.'s big brother and his friend. While they tried to stuff us into the family station wagon, I had that nagging feeling again. Too drunk to care, I went. On the side of a major highway, in front of big brother and friend. I sure cared the next day, though. At least this time I dropped trou and no one got hurt...er...wet.
Blond joke of the day :
Q - What did the blond say when she opened the box of cheerios?
A - "Look, doughnut seeds!!"
So today I was reading another blog which talked about the most embarassing moment in your life. It got me to thinking, and I realized something. I'm luckier than most people, because I actually have two most embarassing moments. No! I am not going to tell you them...Aw, geez, you're right, I'm the on that brought it up, huh? Fine, if you insist. Here they are, in chronological order.
Embarassing moment number one :
This would have to be in elementary school. At that time, all the little girls had a mad crush on...let's just call him W., and the monkey bars were king. There was always a mad scramble when the bell rang to reach the top of the bars. Once there, you.....sat. There were only 4 spots at the top available, and if you were one of the lucky ones, you didn't leave until the bell rang again. One day, I got lucky. Sitting on my perch, high above the playground, queen of all I surveyed. With only one regret...that nagging feeling that I should have gone to the bathroom before coming outside. No matter, I could hold it...oh geez...uh oh...nope. Maybe no one noticed. A piercing scream from below caused me to glance down. Why there's W., the cutest boy in school. Boy, he sure is upset about something...
Yeah, I peed on the cutest boy in school, and he was not pleased.
Embarassing moment number 2 - This would be the time my best friend L. and I were in our teens. Old enough to be left home alone while the parents went out...or so they thought. We started off our night of freedom by sneaking into her parents liquor cabinet. Rye? Hmm, sounds good...let's mix it with this here apple juice. One tall drink later, we were up to no good. Walking around the neighborhood, right beside the main highway, singing loudly and off-key. We made a quick stop by the local campsite to steal some beer from coolers. (We actually didn't get too much beer, but they sure found a lot of empty Cherry Coke cans lying around the next day!)
Continuing on our merry way, we walked further. A short while later, a car pulls up. "Get in the car, you goofs! What the hell are you two up to!"
Busted. By L.'s big brother and his friend. While they tried to stuff us into the family station wagon, I had that nagging feeling again. Too drunk to care, I went. On the side of a major highway, in front of big brother and friend. I sure cared the next day, though. At least this time I dropped trou and no one got hurt...er...wet.
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